Another day off when I was supposed to work, but was let know the day before that there was not enough work to do. YES! I have a million things going through my mind about what to do with today. Recently I watched a fun documentary which went around the world and observed 80 religions, for better or for worse. One faith practice that took me quite far was from a remote Korean community who started the day with their entire family standing together outside and proclaiming to God that they would do something with that day. WOW! How many of us start our day with positive words or thoughts? Or with people who love us and witness our commitments?!? Very powerful.
For the most part I am very happy with my life. It is a good one. I have good people, family, purpose, and hope. However, I have had so many thoughts in the last 6 years about the life I am living and how it is not really what I want. I have allowed other people's ideas and cultural influence direct my path. I am in the process of breaking those forms of conditioning. The hardest part of changing is replacing what you do not like with something that you really do! I have a beautiful home which is spacious, comfortable, warm, dry, some garden space, and good neighbours. I am so fortunate for what I do have...but...this is not really what I want or rather where I want it. Growing up I lived in the country. No grocery stores or shops. There was a swing-set for all of us kids in the town and not too much else. My family had an small farm for several years where we had animals. I did not get to or really want to participate with the farm. I regret that my parents did not have the understanding of how to engage a young person and give them purpose on a farm. My mother taught me to work, getting me jobs from the age of 11 to learn self reliance. I know she wanted to help me but it actually took me far in the other direction! Had I learned skills where I could be passionate about something or a life skill I think it would have taken me a lot further as a person. One year of my life stands out the most. From age 3-4 I lived on a shared farm in Ontario. We lived alongside my uncle who had a hobby/self reliant farm. My job was to collect the eggs. I would carry one home to give to my mother for my breakfast. Eggs come warm, not cold right? I learned that. I also learned how to keep track of the birds after they were decapitated and how to pull out the inside and clean them. These are real skills. In a quickly changing world I know with all my heart that my Mom wanted what was best for me so that I would not be in a dependant situation as an adult woman. Ironically though, this work a day life is the ultimate in dependence! I do wonder now about if I had stayed living in Ontario on family land. How would my life be different? Would I care about the things I do now? Would I be so anxious to get back to a farming life if I grew up that way?
So here I am well immersed in my modern life. Working, material objects, convenience food, a moment here and there with my husband. The problem is, overall it does nothing to satisfy me. There is a real emptiness in modern life. I find that when I get up I am off to another person's idea of what I need to do so that I may afford things that nobody really needs but we take for granted are worth our life. I have the day off and have a million things I want to do! I feel very tired so I think maybe the best thing to do would be to take a nap. However, I have a person with a plum tree who will let me pick it for free. If I was not so tired I would be there in a minute to pick all day long and then can, can, can. I also have some odd jobs that need doing. I have several people I should see or respond to email. Yada, yada, yada....Working a job takes all my energy away from my own wishes. I think this is common for a lot of people. They would love to spend REAL time with their family doing something that satisfies the soul. BUT we are tired so we rent another movie and lay about not talking, connecting, or making real memories. It is tiring for most of us to even THINK of things we could do with our SPARE time. This makes me very sad.
I know a lot of Moms. I am at the age where most of my friends have kids. I have a friend with eight children, I have a friend with 1 child, and several inbetween. All are exhausted! However I do often find that they do not want more rest or time alone. Most just wish they could give their kids more time. Real time at home in comfy clothes, eating nice food and watching their kids play and grow. However many parents I know barely have time to give their kids a cereal bar to eat in the car on the way to whatever activity. Quick bath when you get home and hit the sack only to get back on the wheel the next day. I feel so sorry for the way kids are raised now. I think time with family, people who really love you, accept you, and teach you is more important than anything. Current demands on parents are overwhelming! No wonder so many of them are a minute away from a nervous breakdown most days.
So, back to my original thoughts......what to do do do....
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